In thoughts

sri ram unleashing his fearsome arrows

mahadev

The story of a beautiful friendship

Once upon a time there lived a rose alone in the gardens. She loved her garden but felt the pain of loneliness every time she woke. Whenever friendly flowers grew close to her, the gardeners would replant them away as to keep her unique. Unique was she but lonely. One day she chose to look at the sky and happened to see a smiling sun. For the first time she realized that she could possibly make friends beyond her kind. She bloomed back at the sun and her glorious shades of red caught the sun's eye who chose to be her friend. Every Morning, the sun would wake her up with his delicate morning rays and she would bloom most beautifully with all her charm. Days passed and best friends they became, friends that complimented each other the most. But the skies had another choice to make. They envied their friendship and decided to have the sun on their own. Clouds formed and covered the sun as the sun tried beaming every possible rays to his best friend, but in vain. Not seeing her friend for long, the rose stopped blooming. She searched for him at every nook and corner of the sky. Days passed and the winds and clouds were harsh on her. Slowly she started to wither in distress and pain. Soon enough she was no more. Seeing their friendship come to an end, the clouds chose to move away from the sun. As the sun shone harder for days as he searched for her everywhere he realized she was gone. Until one day he saw a new rose bud spawn in her place. A beginning of a new friendship and thus continued the change of seasons.

Yuvika’s mamma

Last year was a huge year for me. I would say so because I learnt a few more things as a mother and also could live a “working woman’s life”.  Last year with a whole lot of enthusiasm I joined my daughter’s school as a teacher. It was a very beautiful experience. I could meet and know 35 new children and soon did we bond quite well too. I still do miss them now but I wouldn’t say I regret taking the decision to resume my home maker tag.

One thing I learnt about being a mother is, no matter how big your child becomes there will never be a time when they wouldn’t need you. I say so because last year this was one among the points I gathered to become a working mother. I thought she is 5 years old, and I will be working in her school so rather than missing me, I would be around her so she wouldn’t miss me at all. So I misconstrued it to be a win-win situation. But every time I returned from school what I saw were her eyes searching for my attention when I would be busy with my own homework. She would then slowly stand beside me intending to spend time with me after which, I suppose, but I would on the contrary yell at her saying, “Yuvi! Either finish your home work if you have any or go watch cartoon, DON’T DISTURB ME!”  I wouldn’t say that I didn’t see her becoming sad then, but I ironically do admit that I didn’t mind ignoring it as I thought my work was more important at the point. And when thinking about it now, I didn’t realize that every time I was being appreciated at school for my work, it was actually gained at the cost of my daughter’s happiness. But practically speaking I was physically there with her after school hours, and she didn’t have much to learn at home so that part of my requirement wasn’t there either. I made sure she had all her meals on times, her all physical needs were met. But I wasn’t mentally there with her for the entire year last year and she was taking it bad.

At school, I would caress my children when they became sad and appreciate at the simplest improvement they showed, but at home I preferred ignoring my child for my career gains. My children’s parents called me a “motherly teacher” while in real, I was failing at my role as a mother. I didn’t realize all these at that moment until one day God decided to show me my mistakes. As I cared for my children at class, my daughter was also blessed with a loving caring mother like teacher. She always taught her set of children morals and lessons of life besides the academy. May be that would be why Yuvi did not spoil in the one year I ignored her. One day , her madam, walked up to me and asked  what my daily schedules were . Initially I was a little confused on why does she want to know my routine, but very proudly poured in all my work routine believing that I am doing the best I can do. After listening to my entire words, she asked me, “Chanjal, do you know you child misses you?”  I was like “Misses me? How… I mean why? I am always there with her, at school, at home…..??? I don’t get it.”  She simply smiled and told me that she had asked her class about their parents the previous day and my daughter being one among the most reserved child in the class replied so, “I love my mamma. She does scold me for my bad doings but I know she does so because she loves me.  But now, Mamma is so busy that I can only see her running around. She doesn’t sit with me or play with me anymore. So papa plays with me after office. I think she loves her class children more now. May be they listen to her very well.” Honestly speaking, when I heard this, I was lost. I didn’t hear another word anyone said. I did realize then that I have officially become a bad mother now.

That was my wake up call. And I changed, from the exact day on wards I made sure that as soon as I came home I would hold her and share my whole day with her. And when she slept at night I was on my school work. My performance at school did deteriorate from then though, but no one complained. Gradually due to this unhealthy routine of mine my health began complaining and finally at the end of the academic year, I resigned. It was painful and joyous at the same moment to do so. A huge lesson I learnt, I must say. All, our children want is love, attention, a feeling they are important to us. They need to know that! All the other of their necessities can be met with alternatives except for your love! No one can give them your share of love. And no matter big they become, they will always seek your love if you constantly give them. Hope you realize your mistake too, if you are doing any.. ..

A Goul or a lady?

Hi everyone! I was wondering I had always shared with you my point of views, my opinions and such so why don’t I share a few of my “spooky” experiences this time. Here goes.

I was in my 10^th and my board exams were on. With only 1 more day to go for my Science exam I was engrossed in my books loosing track of time.  While I was recollecting all the diseases caused by malnutrition and its cures, the clock interrupted me, striking 3 in the morning. “God! Its 3 already!”  I thought. It didn’t scare me though, as I was used to these long hour studies since my 5^th STD. “Enough for today, I do have a day more to go” alleviating myself so, I closed my books and kept all my stationeries in place. Since childhood I was scared of darkness and so my papa fixed a dimmer on the bedroom light which I always made sure to be at its max while I went to sleep. I and my brother shared a room. As I saw my brother lying on bed snoring through his sleep, I lied on the bed, prayed to God and was all set to go to my la-la land. The room, in which we slept, had photographs of lord Krishna whom we worshipped, right at the entrance of our room. I was all ready on the bed and as I pulled my blanket covering myself till my shoulders, I saw a lady next to our worship place. She was looking at Krishna’s photograph with her hands in gesture saying Namaste, her eyes were filled with love or devotion or whatever you may call it and she stood there as if she had forgotten about the world.  She was gorgeously very fair and she had jet black curly hair till her hips that was dripping as if she had just had a dip in the waters. She was wearing a light off brown skirt covering her torso till her knees but exposing her shoulders and skin seemed as butter. In the light of the bright crème bedroom light just above her, she glowed very godly like a Goddess. I was not scared for moment because I was rather confused on where I was. The second I reckoned that this woman is no one I know and she is the one who is in the wrong place, chills ran through my spin. I could really feel some sort of electricity running through my entire body. I was lying there on the bed staring at this gorgeous lady in my room and I did not know what to do. Suddenly, in the compulsion to make an action, I gathered all my strength and decided to face her. Without thinking, I sat on my bed throwing my blanket away and asked in a shivering bold voice, “Who is it?” .The next moments that happened, were nothing like I ever experienced till date. The lady in my room, still not bothered of anything around her, slowly, rather very slowly stated to become vague. After a few seconds I could see though her as if she was some sort of holographic image. Within a few more seconds she was gone! Completely gone! Chills again ran through me, I wanted to call out my parents who were in sound sleep just beyond the hallway. But this time, I couldn’t make a sound. With no other option and fear sprouting in me, I somehow gathered my voice to call them out. I just called them once and maybe it was the fear in my voice that both ma and pa came running into my room. I narrated the entire incident to them, shivering. Even though my parents tried consoling me that it was just a hallucination I had, I could see my parents looking around as if they believed in what I saw.  Calling my brother, we all that night slept together in ma-pa’s room. But next day everyone acted normal and days went on smoothly till one day, years after this incident I again met the same lady in another weird situation. That story I’ll narrate may be next time. Bye. Stay safe! 

A new chapter in life

Here I am with yet another experience. This is about a role I took up in life and the goods and the bad I underwent in the phase. As most of you all know, I have been a house wife all along until last year when I suddenly decided to join my daughter’s school as a teacher to fulfill my passion to teach little tots. The moment I was acknowledged about my selection as a teacher, I was thrilled and ecstatic. I planned my schedule for the entire year making sure of it as such that my family wouldn’t even realize me working at all.

So, it was the first day and I was as expected, nervous but of course stubborn to do my best. I expected the children to be more bolshie, weeping, whining and all the rest of the fear in the world. But to my surprise they were more controlled and matured. Even though a few exceptions were there, majority of them would silently weep and try convincing us to let them go. My poor darlings! In return we would hug them, kiss them, sing to them, tell them stories and in no time they were all settled the very first day! And for my little tough babies, expert aunties involved in. But angels they were! MY Angels! Each of them, such sweet miracles of God! I never, in my dreams thought being a teacher was such a magical job! Trust me! Every improvement a child underwent seemed like magic. I never, till date, realized how it happened? Even when their parents tried giving me all the credits I gave them all back to my little darlings because I have no idea what I did. It’s all them, it’s all their hard work, I did nothing.

When all this magical moments happened I had started facing the unexpected. The schedule I planned earlier? Never actually happened. Every day had a reason to break it. And if I was the only one who suffered, I would, with no doubt, choose to endure more to see my little angels grow. But, unfortunately, my family also suffered, especially my princess. What happened was that even though we teachers were officially meant to be in the school till just 1, we had to stay till 3, 4 and even 5 for corrections, preparation, meetings and other zillion reasons. To accolade it all, I wasn't aware about the rule that children shouldn't stay back after school hours. Oh God! Crèche wasn't an option for us because we had earlier decided that as much as possible we will NOT put our daughter in a crèche. So when my husband was not in station, which happened most of the time last year, I would hesitantly walk up to our HM madam requesting her to grant me permission to retain my daughter. Our HM madam is more like a fried ice cream; all crusty and hard outside but all soft, melting and sweet inside. She is a wonderful lady who tries to help anyone who lets her to do so. Wanting to help me too but still abiding to the rules she was grand me permission with a statement not to repeat it again. Poor madam, she never denied me any permission at all what so ever be it and rather tried to always make me feasible for the permission. It’s really kind of her.What after that? My daughter would sit there in my class from 12:30 to what ever time I were to stay and would simply look outside or draw on the board without complaining about anything at all. Even my friend teachers would tell me how wrong I was doing making her to undergo those lonely hours, but what choice did I too have? I felt guilty the entire year for doing such cruelty to her even though it was not on purpose. But I never expected her to be so indulgent and mature enough to understand my circumstances which in turn was bad for her, as I made her to suffer it again and again when there was no complains made . My poor darling! I am very blessed to have a baby as her, I must say. I wouldn't deny a few mumbling at school about me retaining my daughter but I preferred being deafened to them as I always choose to remain silent on matters not confronted to me. I deem in matters being spoken than being gossiped.

Anyways, on the other days my darling had a more emotional suffering, if I could frame so. As per I was concerned, I was relieved the moment my husband came to pick her up as to me I feel she is safe with her uncle, my brother, who would take care of her quite well. But to what he told me, my princess would be all quite with tears in her eyes and always kept running to the window to see if I was coming. It was becoming difficult for me to accept my daughter being hurt this way almost everyday. But before I could even think about making a decision, my health added to the list of reasons I needed to consider. Due to quite a few sleepless nights which I chose to try putting in my best to my work; I started to face some serious health issues. Leaving me with no other choices than hard heartedly deciding to leave the school from the next academic year.

                      

But I did not leave empty handed for sure. I made a handful of friends to cling on to. I met a few awesome human beings who helped me at every step of my work. I learnt how to handle things. I became more independent and confident and most important of all I was blessed and showered with the innocent love of my 33 darlings! I will cherish every beautiful memory I lived through the year I worked and will compensate with all possible time I have with my daughter for the unintentional sufferings I caused her. In a summary a short chapter in my life just got over with all its share of sugar and spices and now here I am feeling proud of being a housewife and feeling a bit more powerful than ever!